The First Sign of Getting Old...

Last night I drank alcohol for the first time this year (since going sugar-free).

It didn't come easy either! It took a bit of convincing from Courts and our friends before I believed it wouldn't affect my sugar-free year. The first drink on offer was a shot of Canadian Club and we googled the sugar content. Although it is made with sugar, it would appear that the finished product is sugar-free. The only thing is, we also found information that said when alcohol is consumed it's immediately metabolised into sugar, so I was very sceptical of having any. After awhile we re-searched the topic and found conflicting information that said it doesn't turn into sugar at all, its just that your liver is so busy processing the alcohol (rightly thinking of it as a poison and therefore making it first priority) that sugar is left to the wayside and your blood-sugar increases as a result.

The research seemed to lean further towards the latter idea and so I was convinced. Courts went down the road for a six-pack for himself and came back with pre-mixed Jim Beam and sugar-free cola. I love that he went out of his way to help me in my choice to be sugar-free. The only thing is, it took an hour or so for me to get through that first can, and even then I didn't quite finish it. Even sugar free I just wasn't interested.

The fact that I wasn't interested - It doesn't really make sense to me. I've done my time as the girl curled up in the corner, eyes closing in semi-consciousness, half the night covered in a veil of haze. It doesn't sum me up as a person, but I really enjoyed the period of time during which I was 'that girl'. The thing is, that when I was that girl, I would remember the awesome fun I had leading up to the point at which I switched to a state of haze, but the haze itself was rarely remembered, so the overall experience was fun, at least until the next morning.

I slowed down how much I was drinking when I started going out with Courts. A couple of times my drunken behaviour fueled upset between us (as has his, but that's another story entirely!) and I decided it was easier not to get drunk than to risk a fallout in some situations. I also started spending more quality time with friends that don't drink so much, and I started sober driving when we hung out with Courtney's friends so he could have a few drinks with the boys. And of course further down the track I cut out sugar.

Last night, we went to a metal gig, and while I thoroughly enjoyed the music, I just couldn't be bothered jumping round in the moshpit. A smaller gig is a bit different to a huge concert where you're so crammed in you can hardly move. You get knocked around more, at least in my experience. The venue didn't smell the best with all those sweaty bodies, and I couldn't be bothered having drinks spilt on me.

The whole experience was strange for me, because while I sat in a booth, yawning towards 3am and enjoying the music from a distance, I felt like I was watching a lot of 'me's jumping round and being the 'fun ones'. I used to be one of the 'fun one's, always ready for a beer and a party. I still enjoy gigs, I still enjoy going out, but I guess I'm a little insecure in who I actually am at a gig now that I'm experiencing it a lot more sober than I ever have before. I guess I'm not really sure of my place.

I'm certainly not saying I will never have another drunken night, because I guarantee I will, but I can't see myself planning on one anytime in the near future. I'm generally quite happy not drinking and still chatting away with everyone. The old me would never have said that! I don't want to be the boring girl in the back, but with no alcohol to mask the pain of heels I think I need a new plan of attack. Sugar-free energy drinks and flats here I come!