It's Only a Little Bit

Tuesday. A day for updates in a Sugar-Free Life. I'm struggling.

Am I struggling? Or is Sugar-Free becoming Real Life? I think I'm struggling.

I think the real issue is that I am becoming less conscious of my plight. I don't know if that is an indication that I'm getting really good at Sugar Free or that I'm on the verge of relapse but I'm 99% sure it's the latter.

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At the Farmer's Market on Saturday, there was a home made chocolate stall. Instead of saying 'No, I'm Sugar-Free', my best friend of a phrase, I took their free samples. Not only that, but when Courtney suggested we buy a bar to share, I didn't object at all. I hadn't cheated all week so I was due a treat, and the second we sat down with that bar at night, there was no way any would remain in the morning. I am well and truly still an addict. Just as an alcoholic can not suddenly start having a single beer after work, I can't yet trust myself to have 'just one', of anything.

I need to refocus, concentrate on saying no. I need to stop making excuses and allowing the lines to blur. It's hard though, when the lines blur themselves. There is so much information out there, contradicting itself. Refined sugar is bad, this we know for sure. Artificial sweetener was fine until I realised it is just sugar redefined. No more Coke Zero for me. Honey is a beautiful, nutrient-rich whole-sugar. Too much is still bad. Milk is all natural, can I keep drinking that?

Fruit is natural sugar recommended in 5-plus-a-day lessons the world over but some fruits may as well be stirred into coffee, the nutrients so low compared with sugar content. Watermelon, I'm looking at you. A website listing the best fruits based on nutritional value vs sugar put berries, apples, pears and plums at the top, and so I try to focus on them. It says vegetables should make up the majority of our 5-plus-a-day and so carrots stand in for my morning tea. Of course I would choose a sweet vegetable.

I feel like, in order to shock myself into refocusing, I should eliminate all artificial sweeteners, honey and fruits. I don't want to but I can't let myself keep sliding down. Last week KFC, this week chocolate. 'It's only a little bit' is edging it's way into my vocabulary and it's not welcome.

Any ideas?