Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love and Commitment

Today's post is dedicated to my Soul Buddy - my best friend in the world - and her lovely husband. Their second wedding anniversary is on Valentines Day and I am so so happy for them and so proud of them. While these days, two years of marriage is no small feat, they've actually been together 8 years, and they are everything I hope Courts and I will be after that long together.

I was 7 when my parents separated, and that separation was the absolute best decision for our family. As the parent we spent the most time with, my Mum did an amazing job of raising us and my sister and I appreciate not only the way she raised us but the choice she made to leave an unhappy marriage and go it alone, because we are all better for her brave decision.

Of course this all means that I didn't really have a model for what a happy marriage really was growing up. The many happy marriages and relationships enjoyed by my family and my friends parents were only observed in passing - many family members lived a fair distance away, and of course you spend all your time avoiding parents at friends houses.

Soul Buddy and I spent much time together avoiding parents - we have been friends with each other since we were 13, with a few years in the middle where we lost touch. By the time we found each other again she was engaged to her now-husband and so I missed being witness to a lot of their initial getting-to-know-each-other and learning how to be the best possible partner to each other in life - which might have been helpful in these early-ish stages of my relationship with Courtney. Courts and I are definitely doing just fine but as two strong personalities, we are most definitely still learning how to be the best possible support for each other.

As individuals and couples, SB, myself and our boys are all very different from each other, but the respect, trust, commitment and genuine adoration SB and her husband have for each other is something I aspire to everyday, as I learn and grow with my Long Haired Boy.

I know that no relationship is easy. I know that SB and her hubby work damn hard at their marriage and their relationship. They have had 8 years of compromising and learning and living together. The ups and downs could have driven them apart but instead they are more in love than ever before and watching them together you can't miss that they are perfect for each other. I couldn't ask for a better brother in law, or a better person to look after and love and celebrate my SB. And SB is equally as good for him.

Personally, I have my fair share of broken relationships behind me - which is how I know just how hard they can be. I'm extremely independent and strong willed but I am also very self aware. I know where I made mistakes and which relationships could have been better had I known what I know now. I also know in which relationships my only mistake was staying for as long as I did.

Of those exes I'm still friends with, I can see how most of us have learnt and grown from our experiences, and how we are each better off for not only the experience of our relationship but the end of it too. I see changes in the way I interact with Courts compared to previous boyfriends and the benefits he and I now have thanks to those learning curves. I see the increased effort I make, to make this relationship work and be the best either of us have ever had.

I still make mistakes. But my constant inspiration is my closest friend. I can only hope to take the tiniest amount of what I learn constantly from her and take it into my own relationship. I know that each of our relationships will have ups and downs to come, but it is the grace and respect and overall love that is so apparent between the two of them, no matter what happens, that tells me I will always be OK too.

Here is a toast to two people that are just as much family to me as any blood link. I'm so proud of you and so happy for you and SB, you look very cute today. xx