Trashy Tattoos and Beautiful Sisters

I've posted lots about tattoos (here and here and here) and lots about those closest to me (here and here and here and here), but the two go hand in hand when I talk about my little sister. We fought all through our childhood, but when I returned from 2 years living in Australia in 2005 we had both sorted ourselves enough to get on, and even become really close friends. When she broke up with her first serious boyfriend, I turned up at their house, helped her pack her stuff, and shifted her into my spare room. The rest is history, and 4 years after that, we got matching tattoos to commemorate our efforts.

The tattoos we have are replicas of the Tui beer logo. Trashy? Depends how you look at it. The tattoos include no text, just the image of a Tui bird, mine on the inside of my arm and hers on her hip. Our flatmate at the time got one as well, although we have since lost touch with him. Ours remain as tributes to our bond, which began in earnest the day she moved in.

The Tui tattoos do represent the beer brand, but not in the way you may think. They represent the 4 years we spent in that house - me the entire time, my sister on and off, but always somewhere nearby. Those 4 years saw me go from 20 to 24 and my sister from 17 to 21 - particularly important years as far as years go.

Throughout them, we fell in love with boys, mended broken hearts, met new friends, learnt to cook, mastered the art of partying, learned to pour shots, both started Uni, both gave up (temporarily) on Uni, dealt with grief and loss, revelled in music and joy, appreciated guitar, joined in on sing a longs, cleaned up after Scrumpy Sundays, scared ourselves watching the Crime and Investigation channel, passed out after gigs, both worked at the place I am about to leave, gained addictions to The Hills, braved the cold to drink on the porch, braved the sun to BBQ on the deck, panicked at the sight of blood, ate from the vege garden, laughed and loved and cried and laughed again.

Throughout all of these years, there was one constant factor - there was always Tui in the fridge. I completely understand why our tattoos may be seen as trashy, regrettable or lacking class. You are welcome to your own opinion. My tattoo is not a tribute to beer however, it's a tribute to the relationship I have with my sister. Beyond the years our parents had control, we continued to raise each other. We are complete opposites - I didn't know what a GHD was until the first time she straightened my hair, and she didn't know real music until I took her to her first metal gig. Despite our differences, we have very similar senses of humour and a private language only 22 years of life in each others pockets can create. Soul Buddy and Squish are the best friends I could ask for, best friends that have become family. But my sister is family that doubles as a best friend, and you don't get that handed to you on a plate.

Are you close to your family, or do you find them in your friends?

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Are you Living Your Dream Life? Part Six: Nurse B

http://brandonsneed.com

Who are you and what is your life like now?

I am Berny aka Nurse B, and right now my life is almost how I want it. I am a home owner, I have a dog and a cat, I have the loving man and I am a nurse. Nursing is my chosen profession and I can’t imagine doing anything else. And as you read this I am doing a month long trip through Kenya, Uganda and climbing Mt Kilimanjaro in Tanzania with a couple of days stopover in Dubai.

What would you do all day, week or year if you were living your dream life?

If I was living my dream life….  I would like to be more self-sufficient and eco-friendly. I’d have a bigger house with solar panels for electricity (Ideally we’d be off the grid). I’d have lots of land so I can have at several dogs, a few more cats and maybe a guinea pig. I’d have a big vege garden, lots of fruit trees, and couple of pigs and chickens (for eggs and to eat eventually, if I don’t chicken out).  

I think I’d keep the loving man, hehe. We’d be married and eventually we’d have a couple of kids. The kids would be taught to enjoy the great outdoors, instead of being stuck inside glued to a TV set. I’d be quite happy to not have a television, but I’d still like to be able to watch movies occasionally. I’d love to have a swimming pool, big enough to do laps (and slightly warmed), and an indoor spa pool to relax in.

The house would have to have a dedicated music room, for my piano (big enough to fit Mum’s grand piano in when she can no longer keep it) and the man’s guitars. It would need a big, well equipped kitchen so I can bake and cook more often, so I would no longer need to buy things like bread and biscuits.

I would take from Mid-December through to Mid-February off every year to enjoy the summer and school holidays with my kids. We’d explore New Zealand and spend all sunny days at the beach or going for bush walks. I’d hope the husband would also be in a position to join us. Also every year we’d take a month off to explore different areas of the world (which month would depend on which was the best time of year to visit whichever country we’d planned on seeing that year).

What would your job be?

I’d still be a nurse because that is my passion. In fact the only true downfall to my job is the long and unsociable hours. Nursing is not a 9–5 Monday to Friday job. Nursing is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and I have to be able to work any one of those hours and days.

In my dream life I would like be able work only one or two days a week (enough to keep my registration current). The rest of my time I’d spend being a home maker. If I was good enough I’d maybe make a little extra cash by baking bread, cakes and biscuits and making preserves (jam, sauces and relish) to sell at a local market.

Why would it make you happy?

This would make me happy because I would love to watch my kids grow up and discover the world first hand. I’d be able to spend more time with friends and family, go to parties and gatherings without having to clock watch or worry about getting to bed on time for my next shift of work. I’d have more time to do the things I love such as cook, bake, and garden, do handcrafts and listen to music. I’d also have more time to do the other household chores that I don’t love so much, so they would not reach a point where I feel overwhelmed by them. I take pleasure in a tidy, clean home, but at the moment often do not have to time or energy to achieve this.

So what's stopping you?

At the moment we don’t have to money for a bigger house and wouldn’t have to time for the upkeep of the gardens and animals. The area of nursing I am working in allows me to earn a reasonable wage, which is an evil necessity to be able to pay the mortgage and bills and be able to eat. It is reasonably flexible (just as long as I work 7am–7pm or 7pm-7am, 3-4 days per week). It is a good area to be in while I am still young and will probably be a good area to remain in when I have young children, as I’d probably be able to work less days (or work nights) to allow for child care. It offers the opportunity to earn extra money by paying penal rates for night shifts and weekend shift and pays double time for public holidays and allows the opportunity to do overtime during busy periods. This means that if we need a little extra cash for travel or other luxuries it is not too difficult to earn it. 

Thanks so much Nurse B for contributing to the Dream Life series! 

If you would like to participate, I'd love to have you on board. Use the Contact Me tab to email me your answers to the Dream Life questions. I'll reply to get your photos and let you know when you will be published. All I ask in return is that you link back to Dancing in Barefeet on the day you appear.

Are you living your Dream Life?

A REAL Woman Would...

http://judgmentalobserver.wordpress.com

The following status has been doing the rounds on Facebook lately, people posting it as a joke - 


"A real woman always keeps her house clean and organized, the laundry basket is always empty. She's always well dressed, hair done. She never swears and behaves gracefully in all situations and under all circumstances. She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips, and a kind word for everyone. Post this in your status if you too suspect that you might be a man."


Is it wrong, that as I read that status, I think warm thoughts, perfect, well dressed, pleasing-everyone thoughts, and at the punch line I am disappointed? It's not that I don't have a sense of humour, I get the joke and I do think it's funny. But I want to be that person it describes.

I'm so far from it too. I hate putting laundry away, My hair is a mess. I don't take as much pride in my appearance as I wish I did. I swear like a sailor and have very little grace. I'm extremely impatient and I have the beginnings of frown lines, not smile lines. Perhaps that's why I love the idea of that perfect woman, because she's everything I'm not.


She sounds like what I imagine a 1950's housewife to me. I've always been fascinated with everything 50's, from the music to the film stars, to the decor and the attitudes. I've always wanted to be a 1950's housewife. I love the dresses, the hairstyles, I love that their houses (at least in the movies) are always well kept and clean. I love that they entertain and that they have dinner ready for their husbands when they get home.

Not a good start to my no-swearing!

I know the ideal is unrealistic, and I know that as much as I strive to be a better person, there are some things I will never change. If I tried to force myself to like laundry and a perfectly clean house, I would feel trapped and miserable. It's nice to dream though isn't it? 


I really would like to stop swearing so much, it would be a start. Probably a start that will take awhile to get past the blocks!


Are you a Stepford Wife or are you more like me, making do with rough edges?

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Singing his Praises

Everyone has something they're especially good at, a specialty of sorts. I'm not too sure what mine is, although I make an exceptionally good Chocolate Mousse. Courtney's is definitely singing. He is amazing, and I'm not saying that because I'm biased.

Well before we were together, we were at a party at Squish's house and he burst into song, most likely about something silly or instead of speaking the answer to a question. Soul Buddy and I looked at each other, behind the back of a rather inebriated Long Haired Boy and raised our eyebrows. "Wow, he can actually sing!" one of us mouthed to the other. It was a big old nothing moment at the time, a moment of surprise and we were definitely impressed, but the moment faded away into the night like so many others. Now, it's the moment I first heard my love sing.

Until that point I had no idea that he had been in bands, one of whom we were fans of, but only after he had left it. Courts has a reputation I can only dream of as a singer, one where he gets asked to do guest vocals for existing bands. He doesn't even have to be in a band to get to go on stage and for every person who exclaims "Oh my gosh, I had no idea you could sing!", there's another nodding their head knowingly, in on the secret all along.

He's into metal, and metal only, but that doesn't mean he growls. Courts passion is power metal, he sings clean vocals and reaches ridiculously high notes without resorting to falsetto. I guess the most well known example of similar vocals for anyone scratching their heads and thinking 'Power what?' would be Iron Maiden, most everyone has heard 'Run to the Hills', a god awful song but an example all the same. Courts would hate this comparison, but he screams like Sebastian Bach, who I'm a huge fan of. It all amounts to something very sexy, and I'm the only one that gets to take it home.

I understand if you don't want to listen to 7 minutes of some other chicks boyfriend singing, but skip to 3m20s for a cute bit and around 4m20s for a really good scream. Or search, erm, 'Manowhore' on YouTube for more!
 
I did just that on Saturday night, after Courts and some friends did a Manowar tribute gig at the Thirsty Dog in Auckland. The silly boy wasn't happy with his vocals but he did an amazing job. Squish and Lobster were there, and a work friend turned up and stood awestruck next to me as Courts lifted the ceiling. Soul Buddy and her Mister turned up half way through, racing to see him after a family 21st, and Mister was rather impressed having not completely understood SB's excitement initially.

As much as I love his singing, I hear it all the time. The best part of the gig for me was seeing everyone else's faces appreciating what I already love. Courtney's singing is one of the main reasons our Europe trip has an end date (along with debt and furbabies) because his reputation doesn't yet follow him internationally. One day it will.

What does your other half do that you are most proud of, that fills you up and has you wanting to tap on everyones shoulder asking 'Did you see that!'?

This Song Reminds Me of You...

Happy Saturday night my lovelies :) Welcome to another Mumra Playlist...

Long Haired Boy, this song reminds me of you...

Little Sister, this song reminds me of you...

Soul Buddy, this song reminds me of you (cause of your MB20 phase circa year 2000!)...

Squish, this song reminds me of you...

Wozz, this song reminds me of you (erm, cause I was obsessed with it back in the marathon phone calls days, it's a compliment, promise)...

Monty, this song reminds me of you :D...

Mumma, this song reminds me of you...

Bunny Girl, one week from your anniversary, this still reminds me of you xxx...

(Skip 10 seconds in, to avoid the beep)

Head Over Heels, Again and Again

Are you of the school of thought that the dreams you have at night, mean something more? As a kid I had hideous nightmares every single night. Horribly realistic nightmares with content that should not have been anywhere near the subconscious of a child. Most I forgot straight away but many that I do remember, involved men chasing me. They were murderers, all of them, although I don't know how I knew that, since they never caught me. Always men and always chasing. Sometimes they would be recurring. Not duplicates but more so chapters of the same story. A conscious thought wanting them to stop would put an end to recurrences.

I still do get nightmares occasionally, not often, and I'm so thankful to have a warm blooded adult in bed next to me rather than the teddy bear I would wake up next to when I was younger! More often than not I'd end up going to my Mum. I don't think I ever admitted it but if I didn't, I'd be so wracked with fear I'd feel physically sick and occasionally end up in tears.

Lately, the bad dreams have been of a different kind - I've had 4 dreams in the last 4 weeks or so that related to the demise of Courtney and my relationship. Two of them were over the course of one night in Melbourne. The first, a case of him cheating on me. The second, him leaving me because I wouldn't let him play Call of Duty!

They sound silly now, but in each of the dreams I've been absolutely gutted, heartbroken. They seem so realistic at the time - after the first I was actually (very happily) shocked to realise he was next to me in bed. I've never dreamt about a boy leaving me before, that I can remember, and I certainly haven't been affected by the dream if I have. So I started to ponder the meaning of the dreams.

The only thing I can come up with is this. Feeling that gut wrenching pain and wanting, and then realising I still have him, has made me think about how much he means to me. In the depths of night, still wrapped in the subsiding pain of those dreams, I think of ways to make him love me more, ways to keep him happy.

The thing is, I don't think I've ever actually cared enough about a boy before to let thoughts of this nature worry me. Previously I felt like if they cheated on me or left me, it wasn't meant to be and I'd move on. I'm an impatient person and that impatience means I get over failed flings very quickly, knowing they're not worth the time and effort of being upset. I'm sure that, god forbid, if Courtney and I were to part ways, that impatience would see me through. For the first time however, I don't want it to. I want to work through any issues that arise, learn from him and grow with him. It's less about me and more about us. We're a team and as independent as I am, I want it to stay that way.

As two strong personalities, we argue fairly often. Sometimes about trivial things, often about important things. I've argued with boys before, of course I have, but never in the same way. These arguments upset me more, because he means more. They also mean more in themselves, because through them we grow and learn and become more solid as a couple. Slowly but surely, the arguments grow less and the understanding grows more. Instead of getting annoyed and giving up on each other because of the arguing, we soldier on, hand in hand.

I'd be lying however, if I said we haven't at some point or another, questioned whether it was all worth it. Usually at the height of a bad week or a few days of unsettled sleep or long hours. So, are these dreams supposed to make me realise that no matter how I feel in the heat of an argument, it's not as bad as I would feel without him? I feel myself falling for him more in the aftermath of these twilight experiences, appreciating him more, smiling when I think of him more. Refocusing, re-loving.

Do you know of a different meaning for dreams of this nature? Whether they have a meaning or not, I'm thankful for them. They can go away now.

Welcome to my Humble Abode...

It's less than two months now before we move into Monty and NurseB's house. We've only been in this place a year, and it certainly has its downfalls. The area isn't great, but I chose the house for the massive backyard it offers Toby. The biggest downfall about the house is the ants. We have tried everything, filled every gap and tried every (pet-safe) poison. But they come in droves, and you can trace their paths to every corner of the property as they disappear down the street. For this reason alone, I would have moved, even though I love my house.

It is ridiculously warm, and although the wood panelling turned me off at first, it feels cosy and homely. Everything from my furniture down to my knick knacks has a place, and the backyard is perfect for Toby. It's not too close to a main road and Izzy has plenty to explore. Alas, we are selling up most of our stuff pre-Europe. It's quite exciting, because I LOVE a good clean out, but it's also sad, because these possessions have defined me in a lot of ways - I bought the majority of my furniture when I first moved out of home at 19.

There has been glass smashed into the couch at out-of-control parties, drinks spilled on the tables, naughty puppies scratching cabinets and general disregard by (some) irresponsible flatmates. In contrast - there have been some amazing times. Sitting around the dining table in the sun playing cards and having a drink with Squish, sing-a-longs with my beautiful musician friends strumming guitar while even the shyest of visitors can't help but join in. Countless roast dinners shared with the kindest (and some of the not-so-kindest) people in the world. There have been fights, tears, relief, grief, joy and laughter, and love, lots of love. And each memory I have of these emotions, has one of these objects under, over or around us. So, as we start packing and selling, I thought I would share my home with you.

This is what I live and love in.
 

Knick knacks, each with a story. The guitars (there are 3) are copies of Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton and a GnR tribute model. The elephant is from my first trip to Melbourne, the Hippo bought back from Africa by a neighbour when I was about 9, the Eiffel Tower bought back from France by my Nana and the cigar box came from my Great-Grandma's house I think

I love being surrounded by piles of books!

Courtney and my guitars (with his bike boots he never puts away ;P)

Toby's 'room', apple tree, feijoa tree, and a dog house only the cat uses.

Our lounge, with a custom pop art painting of Slash by the lovely BeautifulGlow on Etsy

The back deck, where we have the BBQ and view of the yard. The gnome came to live with us after a drunken party many years ago. He likes it there!

The front yard, carefully monitored by the boss

As much as the clutter frustrates me, I love my perfume bottles. Moschino all the way!

My favourite corner of my bedroom. Audrey, books, bikes, my childhood teddy and a golly my Nana made for me to take round the world.

Again, every item in these pictures has a story, soon to be packed in boxes. The picture is a cross stitch copy of a photo of Toby's sister Holly, who passed away a couple years ago.

My dining table is a collage of my last big trip overseas, to America. That one was only ONE month though!

Our kitchen, the bear shaped cookie jar was in the kitchen when I was a child too.

Two Weeks of Bliss - Challenge Entry Two

Two more Bliss weeks have passed and I was so full of things to tell you about Melbourne that I haven't had a chance to wrap them up for you yet. So in the last 2 weeks, I've been blissed out on the following.

My Long Haired Boy and our Furbabies!

www.imdb.com

Monday of the first week we decided we needed some time to ourselves. We got fish n chips on the way home from work and ate them in front of the TV, completely home alone. I don't remember the last time we did that! Then we went to bed at 7.30pm and veged out in front of The Switch, cuddled up with each other and our furboys. I love having nothing to do other than be with Courts and to top it off I love the look on Toby's face when he's truly happy. He's so easy to please and a cuddle with Mum and Dad is damn near the top of his Bliss list I'm sure. PS. The Switch was full of plotline holes and as a movie it was rubbish, but if you're a Jen Aniston fan and want to be entertained and relaxed, it's worth a watch.

Sleep

Not a very interesting one, and I get so much more Bliss from an afternoon nap than a normal night, but at the end of a 14 hour shift, sleep is all I need.

Seeing the World

We all know the details of my trip to Melbourne but I just love the feeling of adventure and new experiences and the unknown and living!

www.thrashitoutonline.com

Slash

'Nuff said.

Sex, Drugs n Rock n Roll.

Not necessarily literally! I love the vibe of the idea of sex, drugs n rock n roll. It's a lifestyle, its a movement, and as much as I might love any or all of the individual components, it's about more than that. And I got it at Soundwave.

Long drives

Last weekend Courts and I decided to take a sunny afternoon and drive out to Pokeno, 45 min ride south of Auckland. If you haven't been privy to it's wonders, Pokeno is a tiny town in Waikato known for little more than it's Ice Cream store. They have 40 flavours, and scoops are super cheap. Plus you can buy 11 scoop cones if you really want a challenge! I used up my one-cheat-a-week on a scoop of Mochachino Ice Cream, followed by hot chips shared with Courts. There was a cold breeze blowing away the sunshine before it could reach us, but it was nice to take a time out and do something different.

Monday I worked late, till 9pm, and I was exhausted afterwards. No bliss.

www.wagamama.co.nz

Family

Tuesday Mum, my sister and her boyfriend, me and Courts, went to check out the results of our photo shoot the other week. We ate at Wagamama's Newmarket beforehand and then spent an hour or so going through photos and choosing the ones we want to keep. The reason I loved it though was because we had so much fun together, bantering and joking back and forth. Not often we're all together at the same time.

Pilates

Wednesday I treated myself to a Pilates session. I used to go 4 times a week and I LOVE Pilates. I stopped when I became single before I was with Courts, out of a need to save money and also because I wasn't in the right headspace to do anything but watch Shortland Street and eat chocolate. I miss it though, and if it weren't for saving for Europe I'd be back there, 4 times a week again.

www.manhattanstyle.com

I go to Absolute Pilates in Newton, Auckland and I'm loyal to the studio! The best instructors are Sam and Asho - Sam for a mean work out and a real burn, and for the best communication of methods to beginners. Asho for intense relaxation and stretching that opens you up. In saying that, I think finding the right instructor is very personal, you need someone that you click with, to get the most out of their instruction. The other instructors have years and years of experience, but if I had one of them instead of Sam for my first ever class, I probably wouldn't have gone back. That's no reflection on their skills as instructors but on my learning style and preferences.

Pilates is amazing, if at first you don't succeed, try another instructor! And do it at Absolute Pilates. I wish I could go back sooner! The receptionist recognised me straight away, as did Asho, which was really awesome. It made me feel welcome and not at all like 'that girl that quit'.

Inner Circle

www.imdb.com

'Inner Circle' is how I refer to my closest friends, the ones who stick by through thick and thin and go the distance. Thursday was monthly movie night at Monty and Nurse B's. Once again they impressed with their cooking and we watched Monkey Business, a 1931 film with the Marx brothers. I loved it, such a good movie! The humour still translates today. And of course the company wasn't half bad either!

Random Acts of Kindness

My older sister is moving to Queenstown in a month or so and is packing packing packing. It means we haven't caught up lately and I miss her! We didn't grow up together and have only known each other properly for a few years but it doesn't feel like that. She's family in every sense, we get on awesome, and I love her to pieces along with her partner and my 2 nephews. Anyways, Friday night on the way home from work, we muffin-bombed them! Like a photo-bomb, where you duck into the background of someones photo without them knowing... we ran up to her doorstep and left muffins to help with the packing.

Mini Skirts

OK, actually not mini skirts, daisy-duke shorts. Both make me equally happy, it's just that it's Mini-Skirts that are on the Bliss List. I'm not a big fan of pants, but only to the point that I prefer short shorts or mini skirts. I don't know why! That's just how I'm most comfortable. So I spent the whole weekend in daisy-dukes.

Mexican Food... oh and Birthdays, Inner Circle, Soul Buddy, Squish and Long Haired Boy.

www.huttrotary.org.nz

Did I mention that this weekend is my birthday?! The big 2-5. One of my bestest oldest friends is five years older than me almost to the day, his birthday is the day before mine, and so we celebrated together Saturday night with a Mexican Fiesta! We had potluck Mexican - enchiladas, tacos, burritos, chili, quesadillas, and chilli chocolate! Only problem was that I had come home from Muffin-Bombing on Friday really sick. I think I have a virus, I had the whole body-ache, weak, tired thing going on and a very weak stomach to match. The company was awesome and the night was really fun, I just wish I'd been able to enjoy the food! Mum brought over streamers, we had Mexican music, I saw one of my oldest friends for the first time in months (she's back from 7 months working in India) and the entire Inner Circle was there. Loved it!

Dance Like Nobody is Watching, Sing Like Nobody Can Hear

You know one of the times I am happiest? When I am in my own home, surrounded my things, in my nest - completely, 100% alone. Am I the only one?

In a couple of weeks, Squish, her boyfriend, her sister and myself with be off to Melbourne for a few days for Soundwave (Slash is playing!). I know Courts is going to miss me, and I will miss him immensely, especially when I have to sleep by myself. But I'm also really looking forward to it. My own space, no one to run decisions by, just me and my mates. It will most likely give me a chance to really properly miss Courts as well, because we work, ride, sleep and play together, so its not often we're apart long enough to truly miss each other.

Courts' Dad and brother have also jetsetted off to work in Noumea for a couple of months this weekend just gone, leaving their partners at home. While two months is a far greater deal than three days, I honestly still think I would enjoy the first few weeks, after which time both partners are planning on visiting the boys. I know Courts wouldn't feel the same way, as the girls probably don't, and as you probably wouldn't. I think the reason I could enjoy that time is because I would be secure in knowing there was nothing wrong between us and he would be back. It would be a different story had he left for any other reason - I'm not made of stone! I just think, that with the knowledge he was coming home to me, I could miss him while enjoying my space. 'Fiercely independent' is probably an understatement.

Courts and I flat with his sister and another guy. Even when they're out, Courts is usually home, so I am rarely home alone. The funny thing is, it's not that I do anything particularly odd or out of character when I'm alone. You know what I love most? One of my ultimate moments of bliss... all I want right now is to turn the stereo up top volume - it will either be 80's glam metal or by contrast, bubblegum pop. The former projecting screaming guitar licks through my veins, the latter making me want to sing and jump around. And then I would clean my house, singing at the top of my voice. Pottering around in my own space, tidying up my things, and missing whatever notes I cared to try for, without worrying about another soul judging them. Dancing in whatever fashion I felt like, without a care in the world. All the while in my safe-place, my nest, doing what I love most - singing, dancing, and pottering.

I bet I'm not the only one.

I know my independent streak can be an extreme sometimes. It could be misconstrued as uncaring or cold by anyone who didn't know me well. I adore Courts - if I didn't I couldn't spend near-24/7 with him and still want to plan 4 months in Europe with him! Anyone who ever cares to question my dedication to him (not that I know of anyone who has) is blind to my reality. Soul Buddy and her husband are away from each other for weeks at a time due to his job, and they have both said that distance has made them stronger.

On Saturday night, Courts was out without me. I missed him, our bed felt empty without him (Toby the dog relished having 'his' side of the bed back) but realising he would be home in the morning and we would still be 'us' was refreshing. Remembering that I don't actually need him to survive, that I choose him and he chooses me. That we are together because we don't want to be apart, but that when we are we are still whole people. That was important for me. It's been awhile since I had that time to myself and I think it renewed a certain strength in me.

On this particular occasion, Courts sister was home with me and we stayed up till the wee hours watching TV shows Courts doesn't like and chatting about things Courts doesn't like to hear about. I didn't get my 'me' time, although I had a good night all the same. Singing, dancing and cleaning will wait for another day. For now, I feel like I've got my groove back, when I didn't know it was missing in the first place.

What weird things make you feel happiest? Do you dance while you clean as well? I bet at least some of you have!

Making the Most of it!

A fair few people say Valentine's Day gets more and more commercial every year. That its not about love, its about the big guys making money off hearts and chocolates and roses. Maybe you're different? I'm different. Commercialisation, Schmommercialisation!

Personally, I almost never go to shopping malls. I know that I love new things, and I know just as well that I have a very decent personal loan that needs my money more than a chain store does, so I avoid them. I also know that I can't trust myself ! I'm an impulse shopper, not by nature but by necessity! I hate going through rack after rack, store after store. I don't like sales assistants, I don't like getting changed a thousand times, and I don't like crowds (not so much the crowd but the people in my way).

I am a failure as a woman, because despite my love of new things (shoes, oh how I love shoes!) I hate shopping malls. Online shopping, can do! Grocery shopping, love it! But the act of 'shopping' usually occurs about once a year, and almost always cause I planned it with Soul Buddy. Since I don't go shopping, I don't see Valentines specials, I don't get pestered, and I don't succumb to commercialisation. I don't even see ads on TV because we have MySky and I fast forward through them!

OK, so I think you get the point! A holiday or event can only be commercialised if you respond to the advertising and gimmicks. Nothing is to stop you baking your loved one a treat, cleaning the house while they're out, cooking them dinner or writing them a note. And this is why I love Valentines Day. I don't celebrate it every year, but I love the idea of it. I love romance and I love that aside from your anniversary, there is a day set aside purely for your loved one to love you more. A day for you to tell not only your partner, but your entire inner circle that they make your world go round.

Back in school we used to have Rose Day, did you? Where a team of students spent hours collecting orders and on Valentines Day those same students went class to class delivering a long stemmed red rose to students who were the recipients of those orders. You never knew if you were getting a rose. In fifth form I did and I don't care how embarrassing it was to have to get up in front of everyone to receive it, I felt special, because someone made the effort, for me.

That's all it is really, isn't it? That someone chose you, over everyone else in the world, to make a fuss of. Does it have to be done with overpriced, heart shaped trinkets? I'm 99% sure that Courts will do nothing for me for Valentines this year. I will probably reciprocate the gesture! But we will slow down and spend some real time together, and remind each other that we have each chosen one other person in the world to share our entire selves with. I for one, am rather happy with the choice I made.

Do you get involved in the hype? Or do you hate the day with a passion?

Love and Commitment

Today's post is dedicated to my Soul Buddy - my best friend in the world - and her lovely husband. Their second wedding anniversary is on Valentines Day and I am so so happy for them and so proud of them. While these days, two years of marriage is no small feat, they've actually been together 8 years, and they are everything I hope Courts and I will be after that long together.

I was 7 when my parents separated, and that separation was the absolute best decision for our family. As the parent we spent the most time with, my Mum did an amazing job of raising us and my sister and I appreciate not only the way she raised us but the choice she made to leave an unhappy marriage and go it alone, because we are all better for her brave decision.

Of course this all means that I didn't really have a model for what a happy marriage really was growing up. The many happy marriages and relationships enjoyed by my family and my friends parents were only observed in passing - many family members lived a fair distance away, and of course you spend all your time avoiding parents at friends houses.

Soul Buddy and I spent much time together avoiding parents - we have been friends with each other since we were 13, with a few years in the middle where we lost touch. By the time we found each other again she was engaged to her now-husband and so I missed being witness to a lot of their initial getting-to-know-each-other and learning how to be the best possible partner to each other in life - which might have been helpful in these early-ish stages of my relationship with Courtney. Courts and I are definitely doing just fine but as two strong personalities, we are most definitely still learning how to be the best possible support for each other.

As individuals and couples, SB, myself and our boys are all very different from each other, but the respect, trust, commitment and genuine adoration SB and her husband have for each other is something I aspire to everyday, as I learn and grow with my Long Haired Boy.

I know that no relationship is easy. I know that SB and her hubby work damn hard at their marriage and their relationship. They have had 8 years of compromising and learning and living together. The ups and downs could have driven them apart but instead they are more in love than ever before and watching them together you can't miss that they are perfect for each other. I couldn't ask for a better brother in law, or a better person to look after and love and celebrate my SB. And SB is equally as good for him.

Personally, I have my fair share of broken relationships behind me - which is how I know just how hard they can be. I'm extremely independent and strong willed but I am also very self aware. I know where I made mistakes and which relationships could have been better had I known what I know now. I also know in which relationships my only mistake was staying for as long as I did.

Of those exes I'm still friends with, I can see how most of us have learnt and grown from our experiences, and how we are each better off for not only the experience of our relationship but the end of it too. I see changes in the way I interact with Courts compared to previous boyfriends and the benefits he and I now have thanks to those learning curves. I see the increased effort I make, to make this relationship work and be the best either of us have ever had.

I still make mistakes. But my constant inspiration is my closest friend. I can only hope to take the tiniest amount of what I learn constantly from her and take it into my own relationship. I know that each of our relationships will have ups and downs to come, but it is the grace and respect and overall love that is so apparent between the two of them, no matter what happens, that tells me I will always be OK too.

Here is a toast to two people that are just as much family to me as any blood link. I'm so proud of you and so happy for you and SB, you look very cute today. xx