Monday, May 30, 2011

When Looking Good is Feeling Good Too

There’s been a really crappy bi-product of all this Europe planning. I’ve let myself go. I’m not old, married nor do I have children, but I've still ‘let myself go’.

I’m going to blame the Long Haired Boy, because I can do that and until he reads this, I’ll get away with it. I can blame him because he’s the one who broke my GHD hair straighteners. Sure, it was me that left them on the floor next to the bed but that’s where they always were. And OK, so I was the one that dropped my clothes on them meaning they couldn’t be seen… I still maintain the breakage was his fault. He still has them, 6 months later, two separate pieces joined only by a singular wire, swearing he will fix them. I’m saving extra to buy new ones in Europe, where they’re cheaper. Without GHDs, my very thick, wavy, unruly hair gets put up in a knot. I hate it being in my way, I rarely last an entire day with it out and untied. Unless it’s straightened first, there’s no hope of doing anything with it. But saving for Europe doesn’t allow for new $300 toys.

Around the same time, the Eyebrow Goddess left me. Her name was Lauren, and she was amazing. She did the best tint and shape of my life and I ended up referring a ridiculous number of people to her and seeing her every 4 weeks for the best part of a year. One day, I got caught up at work and completely forgot to walk down for my appointment. A week later, my boss told me she had gone. New owners stood in her place and they just weren’t the same. I unashamedly stalked her on Facebook and messaged her asking which salon she had moved to. I’m guessing she didn’t love me as much as I loved her because she never replied. Without her, my eyebrows grew out blonde (I colour my naturally blonde hair dark red/black) and the few times I had them shaped, the weird $8 wax ladies at the mall did terrible jobs. I could have searched for a new Eyebrow Goddess, but what if they weren’t the same? I really needed to save for Europe anyway.

Last year, I lost touch with my hairdresser, someone who had been a friend before she was ever in charge of my hair, but who my ex got custody of when we broke up. Despite personal differences, she is the best hairdresser I know and will probably ever know. I could tell her to do anything she liked to my hair and it would turn out amazing. One of the perks of our friendship was mate’s rates, and without those I couldn’t afford anyone that would do anywhere near as good a job as her. Out came the supermarket colour boxes. My shower turned red, and my roots stayed blonde a lot longer than they had ever been allowed to before. I needed to save for Europe.

I ran out of moisturiser and didn’t buy more because there was a new bottle packed for Europe and what was the point of buying another one for a few weeks? I needed to save for Europe. My razor is blunt and takes ages so while I’m not so far gone that I don’t use it at all, a blunt razor combined with sleeping in and freezing mornings means I don’t use it as often as I could. The new ones are packed for Europe and what’s the point of buying more before we go? I need to save.

If I won Lotto tomorrow, I would go and get my hair coloured, get a conditioning treatment put through, get it professionally straightened. I’d buy a new GHD and the heat-protectant I’ve never bothered with because I ‘couldn’t afford it’. I’d get my eyebrows tinted and waxed. I’d get my eyelashes tinted, or even better, I’d get extensions. If it was a really big win, I’d get my eyeliner tattooed on. I’d get a make up artist to teach me how to do make up properly, and I would buy every product she recommended. I’d get a facial, deep exfoliation, and then I’d buy every Dr Lewinn’s skincare product on the market. I’d buy the best smelling body wash I could find, not the best value for money. Same with shampoo and conditioner, I’d get the fancy ones they sell at salons. I’d get my teeth whitened. I’d have the most expensive nail tech I could find do my nailsfor me, instead of me doing them for everyone else. I’d get my legs waxed and not worry about shaving for weeks on end. Better yet, I’d get laser hair removal.
I would look my best and in turn, I would feel my best. I don’t at the moment, feel my best. And as much as it is the stress and the tiredness and the sugar, it’s the look. Boys, you probably won’t get it. Girls, I know at least… all… of you know what I mean. I can’t feel amazing unless I at least made an effort to look it. While I don’t need the IPL and the teeth whitening and the whole lot, when I get back from Europe, I’m going to make an effort. The first time I make a profit as a self employed woman, this is what I’m treating myself to - anything I’ve just listed.

I shouldn’t complain. I should do something about it, get over myself and just start making an effort.

Is it wrong that I feel like there’s no point trying until I have a GHD? It’s an obsession.

What makes you look and feel your best?